September 2009 Knowledge Newsletter
With the energy shifts we are all experiencing, now is the perfect time to let go of the past. Many people want to move forward in their lives but are plagued by their past experiences and fears. Let’s look at the many ways in which our past still influences us and how we can move beyond old habits and fears.
Letting Go of the Past
Everyone has experienced some disappointment, abuse, trauma, or hurt in their life that has left its mark. These experiences often serve to hold us back from creating the life we want. Our past experiences deter us because each time we are faced a new situation, our memories of the past resurface and we believe we will be faced with the same negative experiences even though the people and situations may be different. The solution to this problem is to look at each new day or situation as a blank canvas. Do we really want to imprint it with our old fears or do we want to make our choices based on what we actually see before us?
Some people feel stuck in their lives, often believing there is an obstacle blocking their path to change. In reality, there is no obstacle blocking our path just the one we want to believe is there. This obstacle is composed of our fears that people will hurt, reject or disappoint us. As long as we maintain these beliefs, we are unlikely to try anything new. A daily affirmation like “I trust I am able to move beyond all obstacles” will help. Make sure you repeat this many times a day.
Many people, especially as they age, like to live in the past. They often perceive their past experiences to be better than they actually were. They do this because they may have felt happier then, not plagued with regret or hampered by poor choices they have made since then. If we believe we have reached the pinnacle of happiness in the past, there is little motivation to make any changes in the present. There is always the possibility that the future may be better than our past. It is true we can’t go backwards but are you appreciating the fact that aging brings with it understanding and wisdom that was not possible at an earlier age. So enjoy the present with your new found wisdom.
Some people are always wishing things could be different because they are unhappy with their lives. In wishful thinking, we hope something or someone outside ourselves will make our lives better or different. When we practice wishful thinking, we do not take responsibility or credit for what we have created this far. We excuse ourselves from the responsibility of doing something to improve our lives. We also fail to realize that new possibilities are created in each and every moment by us through our thoughts and actions.
There are many people who repeat the same patterns over and over and expect to get a different result. Most of us know that when we do the same thing over and over again, we get the same result unless we are living in a different reality. This is another form of magical thinking that serves as a means to avoid making any changes.
Some people do not like living in the present moment and prefer to be in their fantasy world because that feels so much better. When we live in our fantasy world, we are not present or aware of what is going on around us. It causes those near us to feel unheard or unappreciated because our mind is else where. This is a form of escapism that does not serve us well. We must ask ourselves why we do this. If our life is so unbearable that we need to escape then certainly we should do something to change it.
Repetitive thinking and habitual behaviors contribute to our not being conscious in the present moment. Habits and repetitive thoughts, regardless of their nature, are saying “I don’t want to make any decisions right now based on how I or my body feels.” A frequent excuse we make is “I have always done it this way.” Habits can be helpful in emergency situations when we do not have time to consider a new plan but for everyday life situations, they hold us back from the learning new experiences bring.
Habits and repetitive thinking are comforting like wearing an old pair of slippers. There are no unexpected situations that can arise from doing the same thing over and over. Often I hear people tell me they never tried to do anything new because somewhere in their past someone told them this was wrong, a bad idea, or that harm would come from exploring new possibilities. They continue to listen to that voice even as adults, never questioning if it is true. They believe that that every experience will be fraught with danger or difficulty and therefore never even try to verify if this is correct. If you are surrounded by people who hold you back, perhaps it would be wise to explore new avenues by yourself or with a friend who encourages you to move forward.
Often people believe they do not have the power to change their lives. We all have the capacity to make changes. Changing may involve takes steps that do not met with the approval of others or may threaten our security such as leaving those who hold us back, speaking our truth, and empowering ourselves. Change is easiest when we start with small steps and build on our success. Don’t let your fears stop you.
Many times we cannot move forward because we want approval or permission from someone we love like a partner or parent. This is just another way of giving away our power because we are afraid to make our own choices or stand up for what we want. We also use excuses like a lack of money, time or opportunity instead of seizing the moment. Our fears can be powerful forces holding us back from manifesting our desires. Do you want that to happen to you?
Some people may not be aware that we create our reality through our thoughts and negative thinking magnifies our fears. When we constantly give attention and energy to some past unpleasant experience, we give that experience the energy to continue to impact us negatively. So be conscious of what you are thinking and doing at all times. No one lives in your head but you. You are in control at all times and can decide what you think about. You may argue that you can’t stop thinking about it. The way to do that is to replace all those negative thoughts with positive ones and repeat those positive thoughts a lot.
Be conscious of what you are thinking and doing throughout the day. It might be worthwhile for about a week to jot down or record your thoughts just to bring attention to how often they are repetitive or negative. “What if” thinking falls into this category. No one ever thinks “What if something wonderful happens to me today.” It is always what if something bad happens and that brings up our fears.
Once you recognize how often you are thinking negatively or remembering past experiences that were unpleasant, it is time to replace those thoughts with the statement “I trust everything is going to be okay.” Even if you cannot imagine what “okay” looks like, your body will recognize a positive thought and will relax.
I invite you to try this right now. Say something to yourself that are constantly repeating and pay attention to how you feel in your body. Now say “I trust everything will be okay” and again pay attention to how you feel in your body. Since your body responds to your thoughts immediately, you will feel your body relax right away. The more you say this, the more relaxed you will feel. I suggest you say this 100 times a day until there is no more resistance left. That may take 4 to 6 weeks or longer.
Now I am sure when you start to say this affirmation, you will not believe things will be okay. But with enough repetition, you will come to believe it because you will feel more relaxed and when you are not so filled with fear, new possibilities will start to manifest in your life. This is based on the law of attraction. When we are in a fearful place, we attract negative possibilities. When we are in a better place emotionally, we attract more positive possibilities into our lives.
For those who have experienced abuse and other traumas and are waiting for the person to say they are sorry, I’m afraid you may have a long wait. The longer you hold onto your anger or fear, the longer you will be caught up in the past. Firstly, you must examine your expectations to see if they are realistic and then forgive them and yourself and move on. I know is easy to say and hard to do but it is the only way to free yourself from the past. As long as you remain angry, you keep the chains that bind you to that person in place. It is best to ask yourself what you have learnt from your experience. Understanding the lesson will prevent you from repeating it in the future.
Acting “as if" is a good technique to try out some new behaviors. At Halloween we dress up in costumes and pretend to be someone else. Why not do this everyday? Act “as if” you have the strength and the courage to do anything you want. Do this for a day, a week, a month and see if you don’t start becoming the person you are pretending to be.
We all have the capacity to make changes in our lives and create our future we desire. The problem often lies in knowing what we want. Surprisingly, we all know what we don’t want. So start trying new experiences slowly, perhaps once a week or month so you can be comfortable.
Letting go of the past is very difficult for many. If you need any help to recognize and move beyond any old beliefs or patterns, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal and telephone readings, empowerment coaching, regressions, and healing either by responding to this newsletter, clicking on www.sharoncheney.com or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451.
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May your life be filled with love, peace and abundance. Blessings to all,