February 2009 Knowledge Newsletter
It feels like spring is on the way. Spring traditionally has been the season for new beginnings, so why not start with yourself and your beliefs?
What Is Your Truth?
Truth can wear many faces and be rather deceiving at times. Unfortunately, too often we discover that our beliefs are not held by others. So what is truth? Truth is a series of beliefs that we hold about ourselves and others. Often we don’t question our truths or confirm if others share them. We just assume or expect they do.
If truth was so evident, I guess we would not have continual wars on this planet. We would not dislike people of other religions, people with more than we do, and people with different lifestyles. We would be more loving and accepting of others and realize even if their beliefs are different than others, this is not a threat to us.
Each person perceives life through their own view finder. Our truth is determined by our personal experiences, sensory input, family values, social mores, various forms of media, and the Internet. Our truth includes our beliefs and expectations of life and ourselves. As children, we accept what we are told by our parents because we want love and acceptance and maybe because we are too young to evaluate what we are told.
The problem arises when we grow up. Perhaps we move away from our place of origin, marry someone from a different culture or social standing, or have very different life experiences. As adults, we may discover that our beliefs may not be shared by others and result in our feeling ostracized, rejected, or leave us with a feeling that we don’t belong.
Perhaps it is time to examine our beliefs and see if they are still valid for us. Many people just hold onto old beliefs without questioning if they still represent their current values. We are all in a process of change and therefore we need to check if what we believe to be true is still valid.
We hold many beliefs about different religions, different cultures, our country, our government, our friends and family members, our partners without ever verifying if they are also true for them. Ask yourself, when did you last ask a friend or family member if what you thought or expected corresponded with their beliefs or your perception of a situation? This is especially important if you have run into conflict with them.
In my experience as a marriage counselor, I remember a couple who came to me. He was about 50 and she was 30 years old. This was his second marriage and her first. Naturally, she wanted kids, a nice house and all that went with it. He did not as he had already done that with his first wife. These were too very intelligent people and I was amazed that in two years of dating they never discussed their goals to see if they were in agreement. In the end, they decided to divorce. This example stays in my mind because too often I encounter people who just assume others believe and want the same things they do because they love them.
We hold our truths and expectations sacred. We do this because we don’t want to take the time to examine ourselves and because our beliefs act like a security blanket confirming to us that our world, as we wish to perceive it, is still intact?
What happens when our beliefs change, as they must, if we are to continue growing and evolving? The answer is that we start to see things differently. It is like moving from seeing life through the eyes of a child to seeing life as an adult. It is not wrong to change your beliefs. When you tire of an old coat and want the latest style, you don’t feel bad to discard it or give it away, so why is it so difficult to give up our old beliefs?
Since truth includes how we perceive ourselves, many people do not hold themselves in high esteem or find there is something about themselves that they feel is an obstacle, such as being too tall, too fat, too ugly, unlovable, a failure, undeserving, and so on. A negative perception of ourselves serves to maintain our status quo and prevents change and growth. As long as we believe we are a certain way, we certainly won’t let any new beliefs or perceptions into our lives – will we?
Very frequently when I tell people that someone finds them attractive even if they think they are not, they don’t want to believe me. They immediately eliminate that possibility from their world. They forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder not the beholden. Too often, we decide for others how they will perceive us without ever asking them if their opinion differs from ours because we want to hold onto our world view of ourselves.
Negative beliefs often bring unhappiness because our thoughts create our realities. So thinking positively about yourself and others and letting go of negative beliefs is very important in creating the life you really want.
When we fail to examine our truths, and learn if they are held by others, it is like playing peek-a-boo with ourselves. It is bad enough when we lie to others to deceive them or paint a picture of ourselves that we think would be appealing such as you see on these singles dating sites, but when we are dishonest with ourselves, it is really self defeating.
To correct this situation, I suggest you write down your beliefs as they pop to mind or sit down with yourself and create a journal with your beliefs and expectations about yourself and others. Then when you have a quiet moment, ask yourself if each belief and expectation is still valid and works well for you. If it does not, what belief or expectation would you like to replace it with? Having high expectations of ourselves and others often leads to feeling angry or a feeling of failure when they are not met.
Do not be afraid to let go of a belief because you received it from a parent, grandparent or someone you love. You are not rejecting that person. Those beliefs may have been perfect for them in the time and place when they shared them with you, but times have changed.
Many of us walk around with our parent’s voices in our heads long after we have grown up or they have passed. This is very common. If the parent’s voice you hear is not a positive one, then you are walking around with an erroneous perception of yourself based on someone else’s perception of you or the world that was imposed upon you. We all have the opportunity to change but we won’t until we take the time to really examine our beliefs systems.
Once you have looked through your belief closet, so to speak, and eliminated what is no longer true or good for you, you need to replace those discarded beliefs with some new ones. In the same way you remove clothing you are no longer wearing or doesn’t fit, and replace them with newer styles that suit you better; the same is true of your beliefs. Create positive affirmations to replace the old beliefs that were negative or not working for you.
I must warn you that it may be difficult to convince those close to you that you have changed because they may want to hold onto their old perceptions of you. But don’t let that discourage you. Try out your new beliefs with co-workers, acquaintances first as their opinions of you are probably less fixed. When you feel confident and get a different response from people, work on those you live with or are close to.
Even if others do not want to believe you have changed, remember you are in charge of your life and don’t need their approval or acceptance. When you notice people starting to make comments such as “your hair seems different” or “there seems to be something different about you”, you know you have succeeded. They may not know exactly what has changed but they are sensing from the energy you are giving off that something has changed.
I hope you will enjoy becoming the new you. It will be very liberating to leave behind old beliefs and expectations that no longer serve you.
I hope these suggestions have been helpful. If you need any help to recognize beliefs that need to be addressed or need ideas on how to bring about change in your life, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal and telephone readings, empowerment coaching, regressions, and healing either by responding to this newsletter or calling me at 505 474 6363 or 514 312- 2451. Online classes, books I have authored, and guided meditation CD's are available by visiting to www.sharoncheney.com.
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May your future be filled with Love and Light.