Many of us have difficulty to say how we feel. When we fail to say how we feel, we hold those emotions inside which can be detrimental to our health and personal growth.
Saying How You Feel
If you are wondering why we hold back from speaking our true feelings, it is because most people want to be liked and accepted by others and believe if they say something negative or unwanted, it will affect their relationships. While this may be true, the question to ask yourself is “How good could your relationships be if you are unable to speak your truth without major consequences?”
Some people hold back because they have been taught it is impolite to share your feelings or opinion. While this may be true of the older generation, today this is much more acceptable. People, who only speak about the weather or superficial topics, can never have deep meaningful relationships. An inability or unwillingness to share deeply with another person can suggest a fear of rejection, an inability to trust or perhaps not knowing how you really feel.
Sometimes it is not appropriate to say how we really feel especially when it comes to work situations or some social or public situations. While you may want to tell your boss off because he or she fails to acknowledge you, yells at you, is very demanding or demeaning, it is probably better to say to your boss that you work best under calm positive conditions. You could also ask that they acknowledge your work.
If it is not appropriate to express your feelings in a social or public situation, as soon as you have a private moment with the person, be sure to share your feelings then. Do not let the moment pass as this just builds resentment and makes you feel unheard. Don’t wait for them to ask you. Take the initiation and set up a time to speak as soon as possible.
It is best to discuss your feelings privately with a person rather than in a public or social setting. You never know how that person will respond and you want to give them the opportunity to deal with their emotions privately. Also saying too much in a public situation can have blowback as you never know how others over hearing you might interpret your words.
We all have a bullshit meter and intuitively know when someone is not telling the truth. I encourage you to listen to your inner voice as it is usually right even if you want to believe what the person is telling you. People who lie do so to hide the truth for fear of rejection or they are trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. So be sure to listen to your inner voice. We can all get deceived at times because there are some first class liars and con artists out there, but we are most often deceived because we want to believe what we are being told.
Speaking the truth in a calm manner is empowering and can change the nature of your relationships. Saying how you feel may surprise some but it tends to open the door to the other person being truthful with you and creating a relationship that operates with more honesty, trust and openness.
It is also best not to discuss your feelings when you are angry as when we are angry we tend to say whatever comes to mind with no filters. While the truth can clear the air, it can also cause irreparable damage. Sometimes, when we speak when we are angry or emotional, what we say is discounted or disregarded as our just being emotional, especially by logical people. Best to think through what you want to say and speak only when you have settled down and can talk calmly.
If you have difficulty getting along with someone like a neighbor or co-worker, who calls you names, threatens to sue you, blames you for things they have done, in a calm voice ask them “What are they willing to be responsible for?” rather than yelling back or blaming them. Many people find it easy to accuse or blame others but are rarely willing to take responsibility for their actions. This question will make them think and can possibly turn the situation around. If they continue to yell or be nasty, you may have to repeat this question since it will be unexpected.
I am sure everyone has had to the experience of being in a situation where you were not quick enough to think of the perfect thing to say until after the moment had passed. There is no point in beating yourself up. The next time you see the person you can comment on what they said to you. You could also send them a text or email and include how their comments made you feel. It is important you do that because it is your responsibility to let others know how you feel. It is not their job to be mind-readers. Also their knowing how their comments impacted you might be a deterrent to their saying something hurtful again.
Some people say there is an art to communicating. While it is true some people are more adept at saying just the right thing at the right moment or being able to come back with a smart remark quickly, not everyone has these skills. What is important is your intention and not how clever you are. If you are sincere and speak from your heart, your message will be communicated. Our tone of voice and sincerity is often more important than the words we speak.
If you have difficulty to express yourself especially with some people, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone or readings over Skype, relationship coaching, regressions, and healing at any time by clicking on www.sharoncheney.com or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451.
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