June 2016 Knowledge Newsletter
Most people experience relationship difficulties at some point in their lives. While such problems can be stressful, they can also provide valuable learning opportunities. All relationships are mirrors reflecting back to us what we deny or fail to recognize in ourselves and therefore have the potential to help us evolve.
Many relationship difficulties stem from people failing to express how they feel because they want others to like them or they fear being alone. In their search for love, people are often willing to sacrifice their desires and needs. To maintain a relationship, they are willing to put up with hurt and sometimes even abuse. Doing this keeps them from being in integrity with themselves and feeling like a failure for their inability to speak their truth. Speaking up does not necessarily assure that you will receive love or approval but it will earn you respect, even if others are not keen to hear what you have to say.
Telling others how you feel is really helpful rather than hurtful as it brings your feelings to their attention and could act as a catalyst for change. Most people don’t change unless they are aware there is a problem. Letting them know you will no longer tolerate their poor behavior may also serve to motivate them. Having the courage to say how you feel will not only make you feel empowered, it may also have a positive effect on them. Expressing your feelings is not a guarantee that they will change, but if they refuse to change, at least you know you have done what you can.
Many people expect their partners and those close to them to know how they feel because they know them well. This is an unrealistic expectation. Until we tell someone how we feel, they won’t know for sure. They can only make an educated guess at best. Failing to tell them when you feel hurt, shamed or angry will result in no behavior changes on their part. When a person hurts you or makes you angry, you need to say when you did that I felt this….. , otherwise they will believe that there is nothing wrong with what they are doing and that you are accepting of their behavior.
Failing to express how you feel this results in keeping your hurt and anger locked inside which can lead to stress and even possible illness. Loving yourself requires you be in touch with your feelings and let others know how you feel. Telling them immediately how you feel when they said something hurtful or unkind not only provides an avenue for you to express yourself but can make them aware of how their words or deeds impact you.
If you believe that someone you love is being intentionally hurtful, then it is your choice to remain in relationship with them or not. Some people derive power from hurting others as it is the only way they can feel powerful. While you can stop talking to them or distance yourself, that won’t really resolve the problem. It will only reduce your amount of contact. Resolution can only come from expressing how you feel and asking for what you want. If they refuse to change, then you must accept them for who they are, forgive them and yourself and move on.
Many relationship difficulties stem from others not meeting our expectations. This is often due to our failing to verbalize our expectations while still expecting others to meet them. Many people are under the illusion that others share their expectations and goals without ever clarifying if this is so. We may believe that because our partners or family members know us well, that they are mind readers and will know exactly how we feel and what we want without our saying anything. This expectation is unrealistic and frequently leads to disappointment and anger when we don’t get what we want.
Many relationships suffer from a lack of communication often because we lead busy lives and don’t make time to sit down and really talk about how we feel. We are so busy with our day to day responsibilities that intimate communication goes by the way side. After a long day, we just want to tune out and watch TV or play on the computer. Some people don't ask for what they want because they believe they won’t get it, so they give up and accept less than they want or deserve. They don't say how they feel because they fear rejection or a negative response.
A frequent cause of communication breakdown occurs when we feel someone has insulted us. Many believe the person who has insulted us should be the one to apologize. When this does not occur, it can be years before communication resumes, if ever. In the meantime, the anger or hurt we feel remains within us. No matter how the other person has wronged you, you need to ask yourself if it is really beneficial for you to remain angry, cut yourself off from speaking with this person, especially if you were close, all because you can’t say how you feel, are awaiting for them to apologize or are unable to forgive them.
We are all creatures of habit and tend to do the same things over and over again because it is easier, has worked for us in the past or it doesn't require effort to figure out a new approach. We are in a time of transition and you may find your old ways of doing things are no longer are working. While most people say they want change, they really don’t because they fear what the future will look like. I can assure you that if your old ways are no longer working for you, anything will be an improvement. There is really nothing to fear. Try something new and if it doesn’t work you can always try something else.
We are reaching a stage in our personal growth where we realize we do not live in a vacuum and everything we do impacts others either positively or negatively. We can get feedback by watching people’s reactions. If we are unsure, it is best to ask. Notice when you change your behavior if there is any difference in the reaction you get from others. Also imagine what it might it might be like to be treated as you treat others or hold unstated negative intentions and use that as a guideline for your behavior.
If you feel you treat others well but they do not respond in kind, you may want to ask them why they treat you this way or ask yourself why you are putting up with such behavior. Often we expect others to treat us the same way we treat them. For example, if you are generous and they are not, maybe that is not part of their nature and you have to accept that. Your options are to stop being generous, continue to be generous and not expect anything back or you can leave the relationship. Ask yourself if you are generous because you enjoy being so, it fulfills some need in you, you want to be loved and figure this is a way to get people to love you or you do it to get something back in return.
We all want and deserve love, respect and acknowledgement. In order to receive these from others, we must be willing to give them to everyone all the time. Remember what we give out comes back to us in multiples so if you want to manifest loving supportive relationships, this is what is required of you. We all have the capacity to love and be loved in return.
If you have difficulty to understand the problems in your relationships, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone or readings over Skype, relationship coaching, regressions, and healing at any time either by clicking on www.sharoncheney.com or calling me at 505 474- 6363 or 514 312 - 2451. If you would like to share this newsletter with friends, click on this link http://www.sharoncheney.com/knowledge-newsletter-archives/June-2016-relationship-problems
Gift Certificates for soul readings, mediumship and relationship help are available for birthdays, holidays or other special occasions. Often a reading, coaching session, regression, healing, a class or book can change a person's life, so if you know of anyone who could use some insight or guidance, this is both a practical and unique gift idea.
Home Parties and Classes I can now do home parties or teach the class of your choice personally or through Skype providing you can gather a group of 6 or more in your area. The classes I offer are listed under Class Descriptions on my website.
Online classes, Guided meditation CD's, Books My classes, CD's and books Discover Your Psychic Abilities and Your Soul: The Roadmap to Your Life are available on my website http://www.sharoncheney.com.. My latest book Love is the Answer will be available soon. It is being edited now.
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May your life be filled with peace, love and abundance and may your life be showered with blessing throughout the year.
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