January 2018 Knowledge Newsletter
When we think about love we tend to think about people or things we love or those who love us. Seldom do we think about how much we love ourselves. This is unfortunate because any love we give to others stems from our ability to love ourselves.
Love of Self
Many people have been brought up to believe that putting one’s own needs in front of others is selfish. In addition, doing so may make them feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself. In fact, it is actually a necessity because if you have no idea how to love yourself, then what quality of love could you be sharing with others? We need to have a personal experience of self-love to be able to love others.
Everybody, regardless of their age or sex desires love and acceptance. We all want to believe we are loved but someone saying “I love you” does not determine the quality of love that person has to offer. Most people when told they are loved interpret those words to mean that they will be loved in the way they wish to be loved but each person’s idea of love varies.
To avoid misunderstanding, loving yourself requires that you tell people how you would like to be loved and see if they are willing and capable of loving you as you desire. Some may be capable while others may not, depending on the type of upbringing they had. If they did not grow up in a loving supportive home, how could they possibly know how to love you or even themselves?
Some Self-Love suggestions:
Put yourself first when deciding what to do or what should take priority. While we can’t always do this in times of emergency, few life situations are life or death. When someone asks you something don’t automatically say yes. Tell them you will let them know so you have a chance to consider if you really want to do as they ask.
Speaking your truth is an important part of loving yourself. Of course, this requires you know what your feelings are and what you want. You always have a right to express your feelings and to ask for what you want regardless of whether others agree with them or not. Remember you have much better chance of getting what you want if you ask for it clearly.
Only you know what is important to you. Therefore it is essential you let others know what your boundaries are, that is what you will put up with and what you won’t instead of complaining about no one listening to you. YOU must enforce your boundaries with consequences. Don’t expect others to comply just because you asked them. Expect that you will have to apply the consequences for them to realize you mean business.
Take time to care for yourself as you deserve it. That means putting aside an hour or two a day to do whatever you like. That could be taking a nap or a walk, soaking in the tub, exercising, reading a book or anything else your heart desires. This time is only for you. In order to accomplish this, let family and friends know this is YOUR time and not to disturb you.
If you are a person who eats on the go or doesn’t have time to cook, a way to love yourself would be to plan a menu for the week and buy food that your body really wants to eat. If you are not sure what your body wants, then sit quietly with yourself, and ask your body what foods it wants rather than eating whatever is convenient or not eating at all.
If you tend to over eat or snack, make sure there are healthy snacks around. You may be snacking because you are trying to fill a need for love or attention that food can never fill. Better to realize that you are using food as substitute and do something that really fulfills you. Over eating can lead to weight gain and dissatisfaction with the way you look. It is important to take care of your body and love it as it is the only one you will ever have.
When you believe you don’t look good, you often believe that others see you as you do. Remember beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, not the beholden, so don’t allow old negative beliefs to color how you relate to others. It is best to love and accept yourself as you are because when you do, others will too. If you want to make changes, that’s great, but you are always okay as you are right now.
If you try to fill the lack of love or unhappiness in your life with alcohol or recreational drugs, this is not self-love but escapism? Facing your problems and finding resolutions is the loving thing to do.
Expecting others to love you and fill your emotional needs because they are family or partners often leads to disappointment and staying in co-dependent and unfulfilling relationships. So check your expectations and make sure they are realistic as unfulfilled expectations make us angry and can have detrimental effects on your emotional well-being and health.
Ask yourself if you desire love, approval, attention and acceptance from others as this is a sign that these are lacking in you. Regardless of the nature of your relationship, no one is obligated to provide these. It is your job to love yourself and when you do, you will discover how liberating that feels.
Assess how successful are you in achieving your goals and getting what you want from in life? If you are not successful, perhaps you are not clear about your goals or are not asking for what you want. Perhaps you ask people who do not want to give you what you want. It is best to ask them if they are willing to fulfill your requests rather than remain frustrated. If they don’t, don’t give up as they are always other people who are willing to help.
If you have challenging relationships or have difficulty loving yourself, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone or readings over Skype, relationship coaching, regressions, and healing at any time by clicking on www.sharoncheney.com or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451.
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May your life be filled with peace, love and abundance and showered with blessing throughout the year.