July 2019 Knowledge Newsletter
We all talk to ourselves every moment of our lives except during sleep. We are seldom even aware that we’re doing it even when we are awake. We all have a running commentary in our heads on our reactions to events and people as well as continually repeating the same old beliefs and fears we hold.
Our Inner Dialogues
We must learn to become more aware of our inner conversations. We may think these conversations harmless but in fact they can prevent our growth by limiting us from trying new approaches to stressful situations, being critical of others or ourselves, or continually reaffirming our negative beliefs and fears. Without being aware of what we are doing, we are unlikely to change anything.
If you are wondering when you started having these inner conversations, it is likely you have been talking to yourself since childhood, when you first developed these fears and beliefs. These could include statements such as “I am unlovable”, “I can’t trust others”, “It is not safe in the world” and so on. I suggest you take a moment to reflect on your inner beliefs and how you react to what people say and do. Note if you are accepting, open to new possibilities or are you critical or fearful.
The reactions and fears we have are often due to the programming we received in childhood from our parents or other significant adults in our lives, who told us this is how life is or how we should respond. We seldom ask ourselves if those beliefs are still valid for us. The purpose of questioning yourself is not to blame your parents or others, but for you to take another look at your beliefs. Perhaps, over the years you have changed and what served you well in the past no longer does.
Holding onto old beliefs, fears and critical reactions keeps us from changing or trying new things. Often we tell ourselves that we know how things are going to turn out, so why bother doing anything different. We believe our beliefs the more important than the input we receive from others because we are the only ones who really know how we feel or that others do not understand us.
Even when others say positive things about us, we tend to refute what they are saying if it is not in alignment with our beliefs about ourselves. Most of us are our own worst critic. We can also have difficulty receiving compliments because we don’t love ourselves enough to be open to receiving and instead believe they must have an alternative motive for being nice to us.
Our self-talk can be changed to work for us instead of against us, especially in the building of self-confidence and creativity. Are you a nurturing coach or a critic? Do you beat yourself up every time you make a mistake or do you say I will try to do better next time? Do you reinforce your own success or negate it? Are you able to tell yourself you did a good job even if no one else does? Do you trust in your own abilities to succeed?
When you fail or if things don’t go as you expected or wished, do you view it as a temporary setback, a learning experience, an isolated event or a stumbling block? When you succeed, do you reinforce that success by rewarding yourself rather than feeling guilty about your achievement? When you are paid a compliment, do you respond with a simple “Thank you” or “I agree” or do you argue that it is not true or believe they have an alternative motive?
If you are fearful, try to find successful role models, who have conquered what you fear and learn from them. Look for the root of your fear and try new approaches to conquering it instead to responding the same old way. Perhaps how you responded in childhood is not longer valid but you have continued with the same old fearful response. You will never know if another response is better unless you try.
A mark of a healthy self-esteem is the ability to spend time alone, without constantly needing other people around to provide stimulation, give direction, or pay you attention. Enjoying solitary time reveals a sense of inner peace. People, who constantly need attention, desire love and attention from others are often insecure and thus need to be propped up by others. People, who brag and self-promote themselves are actually desperate for attention. Honor yourself, if people don’t honor or acknowledge you. After all, isn’t your opinion of you more important than theirs?
When you get ridiculed or rejected, instead of taking another’s opinion as fact, ask yourself “What would motivate them to say such a thing?” Are they just a disempowered or angry person who enjoys putting others down. After being rejected, ask yourself if there is any truth in what they said. If you find there is, do something about it. If not, ignore it. Maybe the rejection can serve to teach you to stand up for yourself or stop giving your power to others.
Acknowledge yourself for all your gifts and accomplishments that you often take for granted like life itself, health, living in an free country, family, friends, career, and so on. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, think of the many things you are proud of that you have done so far. We all endowed with both gifts and shortcomings. The gifts are like blessings we have been given and the short comings are challenged ourselves to overcome.
If you have difficulty to change your inner dialogues, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone or readings over Skype, relationship coaching at any time by clicking on www.sharoncheney.com or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451.
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May your life be filled with peace, love and abundance and showered with blessing throughout the year.
Sharon Cheney .