February 2012 Knowledge Newsletter
February is the month we associate with romantic love as this is when we celebrate Valentine’s Day. The idea of romantic love is part of our culture and most people hope to meet their soul mate and live happily ever after.
Many people, both young and old around the world believe in the Cinderella fantasy; that when we meet our perfect mate, we will live happily ever after in domestic bliss. This belief persists in spite of the fact that the divorce rate for first marriages is almost 50%. This belief is so persistent it goes beyond all cultural boundaries. This suggests to me that it must resonate with a deep desire within many people. So why do we continue to believe this myth when the reality is that most relationships do not survive until death do us part? I believe this is because we all want to be happy and believe on some level that the fantasy could happen to us.
The falling in live experience is exhilarating but it also leaves us emotionally vulnerable. Falling in love provides us with wonderful learning experiences. When we meet that special someone, we project onto them all that we want them to be. In doing so, the recipient sometimes starts to see themselves in a new light. Remember all relationships are mirrors for our learning and reflect back to us what we fail to see in ourselves.
Unfortunately the falling in love experience is usually short lived. Normally the honeymoon phase does not last more than 6 months at best. Sometimes the honeymoon phase lasts longer in long distance relationships, where everyone is on their best behavior each time they meet. After a while the projections we placed on our partner starts to fall away and we see the person for who they truly are and not as we want them to be.
Often people believe that what draws us to others is chemistry or sexual attraction. While it is true you may find some people more attractive than others, that is not really how we attract our mates. The law of attraction is always at work and we are drawn to those who have the same issues as we do. Strangely enough, when couples are together for some time, the first thing to go is their sex life even if that was the thing that brought them together.
Many people believe that if they could just meet their soul mate, then a loving permanent relationship will be assured. Unfortunately this is not always the case. Yes when you meet your soul mate, you will both feel an immediate connection with one another. This happens because when we share a lifetime with someone, an energy bond is formed that remains forever. While you may not remember your previous lives together, you will recognize their energy signature as a feeling of familiarity.
You can recognize a soul mate by the feeling of familiarity you have when you first meet each other. Without verbal cues, you just feel you know this person and you are meant to go through life together. This feeling is often so strong it can lead many to believe that they are meant to be together forever. This feeling of connection comes from the soul remembering the energy bond they shared, a bond that never disappears because we cannot destroy energy, we can only transform it.
The feeling of connection will continue whether you remain a couple or not. The feeling that you were meant to be together can lead to difficulties in relationships such as second guessing your decision to end the relationship if it is not working. Often people think because they have this strong sense of connection, they are supposed to spend their lives with this person which is not the case. You met again to learn from one another and not necessarily to spend eternity together.
Meeting your soul mate does not guarantee that you will live happily ever after. We meet our soul mates again for the purpose of soul growth. That is the only reason, not sexual attraction or chemistry. We do not meet our soul mates by accident no matter how you physically met each other. There are no accidents, just soul agreements that have been forgotten.
All relationships are learning opportunities so the right question to ask is not “Is he or she the perfect one for me but what can I learn from this relationship?” You are meeting your soul mate in order to work out some issue which you failed to perfect during your previous lives together. You may or may not succeed at this task especially if you do not realize the reason for meeting them again.
The way to recognize what you need to learn from one another is to look what they are doing and see if that is lacking in you and then try to find that quality within yourself. Every person we meet acts like a mirror reflecting back to us some aspect of ourselves that we fail to recognize or deny.
Many people believe that when they meet their soul mate, not only will they live happily ever after but that it is the job of our partner to fill the needs of our inner child. This is totally incorrect but in 99% of relationships, this is what one person expects from the other whether this is stated or not. When those needs do not get met, people become unhappy. The solution is to take care of your own inner child needs and to learn to love yourself so you will not be dependent on another person for love, attention or approval.
By the way a soul mate, by definition, is another soul with whom you have shared one or more previous lives. We all have many soul mates. Soul mates are not restricted only to those with whom we have partnership relationships. A soul mate can be a parent, a child, a friend, a boss, an enemy or any other type of relationship.
To sustain a loving relationship requires attention and continuing effort. Many people seem to believe that once the ring is on your finger and you got your man or woman, and the prize has been won, there is nothing more to do. Relationships are like any living thing, they need continual love, nurturing and attention.
Maintaining good relationships require compromise because we all know that partners do not always agree with one another all the time. This requires knowing how to give and receive love, how to be forgiving, understanding, accepting and so on. It requires being able to express our needs and wants rather than expecting our partners to be mind-readers. Many people have expectations that are never expressed or make demands without ever considering if their partner is capable or desires to fulfill those demands, Good relationships require we know how to love which means loving yourself so you have some internal experience of love as many people did not grow up in loving nurturing homes.
When people have difficulties in relationships, they often ask me if their partner still loves them. I always ask if this person is capable of love. Not everyone has the same capacity to love. When someone says I love you, we immediately translate those words into the way we expect love to look. When our expectation is not met, we feel unloved. We never ask ourselves is this person capable of loving me the way I desire. We rarely ever ask them what love looks like to them or tell them how we want to be loved. Love is different for each person. Just because they say I love you does not mean you will get all your needs met or be loved the way you wish.
If you need help learning to love yourself or how to improve your relationships, please
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May your life be filled with love, peace and abundance. Blessings to you all.