March 2008 Knowledge Newsletter
Spring has officially arrived although may be difficult to believe especially in the Northeast where it continues to snow. I want to wish everyone a very Happy Easter and Spring Equinox.
Have you noticed lately that the structure underlying big many institutions and even personal relationships seems to be breaking up or changing almost on a daily basis? It may be because Pluto has temporarily inched into Capricorn. For those you do not speak Astrologese, Pluto represents transformation and Capricorn represents structure. I don’t know about you, but my experiences for the past weeks have certainly confirmed for me that some kind of change is in the air. Remember that change is not necessarily bad but can be uncomfortable at least until we adjust to it.
These personal and worldwide changes are forcing us to address how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Speaking with so many people on a daily basis, I have come to realize how few people love and accept themselves completely. There may be aspects of themselves they like but usually there is some behavior, habit, personality trait, or aspect of their appearance with which they are not content. Because they feel unhappy, they want to make changes outside themselves like changing jobs or careers, leaving or finding new relationships, or moving from their current residence. While these activities will distract one for a time, they do not solve the underlying cause of the problem.
The secret to happiness is self empowerment. Self empowerment is the ability to love and accept oneself completely just the way you are and stop desiring attention, approval, acceptance, and love from others. When we want these things from others, we give away our power. This is because we believe that their opinion, love or acceptance is more valuable than our own.
You are the ultimate authority on you. No one knows you better than yourself and knows what you truly desire and what will really make you happy. This is true because you are the only one living in your body. Therefore you are only one that really knows your thoughts and feelings. When you ask or expect others to tell you what to do, they can only advise you based on their own experiences which may not be appropriate for you.
Self Empowerment Questionnaire
Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine if you are self empowered.
Please answer yes or no to the following questions.
1) Do you always speak your truth even when you know others may not agree?
2) Do you regularly ask others what to do because you don’t trust in your own ability to know what is best for you?
3) Do you believe that others know better what is best for you either because they are professional or you believe them to be smarter, richer or more powerful than you?
4) Do you feel that you need protection from the negativity of others around you?
5) Do you normally put the needs and concerns of others in front of yours?
6) Do you respect yourself completely or do you expect others to respect you when you don’t respect yourself?
7) Do you trust in your own abilities and intuition?
8) Are you afraid to be vulnerable and show your emotions?
9) Are you in touch with your true feelings?
10) Do you blame others for what happens in your life or see yourself as victim?
11) Do you perceive yourself as helpless or hopeless in the face of adversity?
12) Do you fail to set boundaries in your relationships with others?
13) Do you say yes when you want to say no?
14) Is your theme song “Looking for love in all the wrong places?”
15) Do you believe you are able to manifest what your want in life?
16) Are you concerned with what others think about you?
If you answered “yes” to questions number 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 14, and 16 and “no” to questions number 1, 6, 7, 9, 12 and 15, then you are not fully empowered.
Steps to Self Empowerment
Being empowered is about loving yourself enough to do good things for yourself like eating well, getting enough rest and exercise, and finding the time to do the things you truly enjoy instead of always putting the needs of others in front of yours. It is making time to read a book, take a bubble bath, be in nature, meditate, do nothing, and honor your needs and wants, whatever they may be.
Feeling empowered is when you make your opinions and decisions more important than others. By all means, listen to others but don’t give them your power to decide for you or make their opinions and beliefs more valid than yours. Every time you let others make your decisions, you give away your power.
Every time you fail to state your opinion or beliefs, fail to speak up for yourself or admit you disagree, or you go along with some plan when you are not in agreement for fear of disapproval or conflict, you give away your power. In order to feel empowered it is important you speak your truth and be in integrity with yourself. When you say how you truly feel, it may be scary but you will feel terrific. Stating your truth does not mean that others will always agree with you, but you ARE entitled to say how you feel as who else would truly know this.
The result of speaking your truth is that people will come to respect you. It takes courage to stand up for what you believe but the end result is that people will respect you even if they disagree. You cannot have the respect of others until you respect yourself. You will also ne in integrity with yourself.
So many people spend a lot of time worrying about what others think about them. They do this because they fear becoming an outcast from their society or social group. The time spent worrying about what others think of you could be spent more productively by pursuing some hobby or activity you really enjoy.
If you have trouble saying no to others or feel like no one is listening to you, it is time to sit down with yourself and decide what you want and don’t want to do and how you would like others to treat you. Then you must state your boundaries in a clear calm voice and then stick to your guns. It is likely you will meet with some resistance especially since most people have long standing relationship patterns that they don’t really want to change. Initially those around you may accuse you of having a bad day or may not take you seriously. That is why it is really important to stay focused and not cave in at the first sign of resistance. If you persist, you will win out in the end and feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment.
Is your theme song “Looking for love in all the wrong places?” Many people want love from a partner, family members or others that are not capable of giving love because these people don’t love themselves or have had no experience of receiving or giving love. What you need to ask yourself is “Is this person capable of loving you, themselves or anyone else?” Have you seen any behavior that has shown you that they have the capacity to love?
We all have our expectations and fantasies of what love should look like. Unfortunately, most of us never share these expectations with others and then feel disappointed when our expectations are not met. Perhaps it is wise to have some criteria against which you can measure a person’s behavior against your expectations. Loving yourself is a great part of self empowerment and will get you out of the pattern of turning to others for love. This does not mean you should not have a partner but imagine a relationship where you would not be so dependent on another’s love to feel good about yourself.
Most people only identify with a small portion of who they are and therefore are not fully aware of their abilities. Because of this, they limit themselves and make excuses instead of trying new things. The adage “You’ll never know unless you try” really applies here. It is in only through your experiences that you learn about your own capabilities.
What you learn from trying new things is that there may be new found abilities or gifts you never realized you had until now. So give yourself permission to explore new things or to respond differently in relationships or familiar situations. Make a promise to try at least one new thing or do something different every week.
Are you a person who is often afraid of others and what they may say or do? Do you avoid people, going out, or speaking your truth? Remember, when you feel empowered people will sense that about you and you won’t need to avoid them or feel as if you need to put distance between them and you. When you stand in your power, people will be afraid of you, not the other way around.
I hope these tips on how to empower yourself have been helpful and that you will apply them in your life. Having empowered myself, I know from personal experience how this has changed my life, helped me to accomplish my goals and feel more at peace. If you recognize yourself in any of the above questions and feel you need some assistance in empowering yourself, I would be glad to help you.
I am available for personal and telephone readings, empowerment coaching, hypnotherapy, and healing either by responding to this newsletter or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451. Online classes, books, and meditation CD's are available by visiting to www.sharoncheney.com.
My second book, Your Soul: The Roadmap to Your Life is now available in e-book form. The cost is $20.00. To purchase the book, just email me.
Unsubscribing to the Newsletter
If you do not wish to receive the Knowledge Newsletter, you can unsubscribe by going to www.sharoncheney.com, clicking on Free Newsletter, and then choose Unsubscribe and follow the prompts.
May your future be filled with Love and Light.