March 2014 Knowledge Newsletter
Dear Friends, We all have habits and behaviors we do repeatedly that we would never consider as addictions. We tell ourselves we can stop any time we want. When we look at John Bradshaw’s definition of addiction, it widens the definition of an addiction to include many everyday repetitive behaviors. He says "Addiction is anything you organize your life around that has life damaging consequences."
Do You Have an Addiction?
We are all familiar with common addictions such as alcohol and drugs. But addictions or if you prefer the term repetitive behaviors can include a need to fall in love, a need to feel fearful, a constant need for sexual satisfaction, talking on the phone a lot, texting or spending way too much time online. Shopping as means to fill up time, excessive exercising, working too many hours, watching too much TV, over eating when you are upset or nervous, smoking, drinking too much, etc. are behaviors that would fall into this category. Generally doing things that aren’t good for you but you do them anyway because you feel the need to.
Telling someone “I always watch my show on Tuesday night so I can’t spend time with you” not only avoids spending quality time with others, it also avoids spending quiet time with yourself. We need to look at our choices and ask ourselves “How do they serve us?” Why do we need to fill our lives doing activities that do not help us to be better people or discover who we really are? Are we afraid to get to know who we really are?
Since we may consider the above activities pleasurable and not illegal, you may ask “Why change them?” Habits prevent us from being spontaneous and living in the moment. We never need to think or wonder how we feel or what we want to do at any particular moment when you know you always do a particular activity on a certain day or at a certain time. This is where habitual behavior is not advantageous. We live our lives on auto pilot instead of being in touch with what we want and how we feel at any given moment.
We really must ask ourselves why we continue to do these repetitive activities. Too much shopping may not harm us physically but it can take a toll on our bank account. Being online most of time is not physically harmful but it prevents our spending quality time with family members or friends or doing other pleasurable or necessary activities. In fact, it tends to socially isolate us from others. While Face Book and other social media sites help us keep in touch, it is not the same as having a phone or personal conversation with someone. In addition, since texting has become so popular, many have lost the art of communication.
We need to ask ourselves “What do these behaviors prevent us from doing? What are we avoiding in life? What did we do with our time prior to having 24 hour access to the internet?
What these repetitive activities do is keep us from knowing ourselves better and spending more quality time with others. It makes me wonder why we choose to avoid looking within as that is the source of all change that occurs in our lives. Happiness is an inside job and always starts from within. Many people are unable or afraid to own and use their power towards positive ends that would change their life. Perhaps that is why they fill up their lives with meaningless activities to mask their emotional needs instead of discovering who they really are and what they are capable of.
Even when we know these activities are not beneficial, we continue to do them. It makes me wonder if this is due to our not loving ourselves enough to stop and make better choices. Perhaps we continue because we want to avoid thinking about our lives, which suggests to me that there is some lack of inner peace. When we are peaceful, we can just be rather than do. After all we are human beings not human doings.
Better to find time to sit quietly, meditate, spend quality time with family, friends and yourself rather than fill your time up with activities that do not benefit you. Spending time in nature is calming. Do creative activities that allow creative energy to flow through you. This is not only relaxing but particularly good if you have a tendency towards depression. Do any activity that makes you feel good about yourself and/or provides you with an opportunity to share your love and abilities with others.
Why it is so important to pay attention to our repetitive behaviors is because underlying these activities may lay a belief that we cannot get what we really want in life. That we are victims of circumstance, that we will never have the money to achieve our goals, that we are unlovable and can never be truly happy and so on. We tell ourselves that what we really want is unattainable and continue what we are doing instead. Perhaps we don’t even know what we really want and are just letting life go by doing whatever others are doing just to fit in or to fill up our time.
Negative beliefs are just beliefs we hold that can be changed. The truth is that thoughts and beliefs change as we age and grow. The emotions that fueled our original thoughts disappear and our energy goes in a new direction. To prove this to yourself, think back to when you were a teenager. What was most important in life then was being accepted by your peer group or wearing what everyone else was wearing. I bet those thoughts have changed for you as an adult. Today you may want to look nice and presentable but what you wear may not be your sole focus in life.
We must remember the universal law that our thoughts create our reality and that our thoughts are fueled by our emotions. When you decide what you really want, it is important that you do not have conflicting ideas because both ideas will try to manifest, but being opposed to one another, will cause you conflict.
Now is the time to sit down with quietly with yourself and discover what you really what and figure out ways to attain it. They say “If there is a will, there is a way” and I strongly believe this to be true. Yes, change may make you or others feel uncomfortable or challenged at first but I can assure you that in the end the effort will be worthwhile.
If you need assistance to more fully understand your habits and why you continue to pursue them, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone and Skype readings, empowerment coaching, regressions, and healing either by responding to this newsletter or calling 505 474 6363 or 514 312 2451.
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May your life always be filled with love, peace and abundance. Blessings to you all. Sharon Cheney