As we move forward in consciousness, one of the most difficult things we are challenged to do is to accept ourselves and others completely without judgment or expectations. In order to accomplish this, we must learn to love and accept ourselves first as that makes it much easier to love and accept others.
Very few people love and accept themselves completely. Many people grew up in family’s that were more likely to point out their shortcomings or failures rather than love and accept them as they are. This is most unfortunate because as we grow up we tend to mimic our parents and land up becoming critical adults.
If we experienced being told as children or adults that we are not good enough or can’t live up to the expectations of others, we tend to internalize those statements leaving us with a belief that we are not acceptable as we are. Holding such a belief affects our self confidence and how we relate to others. Holding a belief that we are a failure or never good enough will continue until we learn to accept ourselves completely and stop relying on others for approval and acceptance.
Often we have difficulty accepting ourselves if we believe there is something lacking in our behavior, aren’t perfect enough or don’t look like the models we see in the media. Media messages imply that in order to be successful or find the love of our life, we must look and act like them. In truth this is not so, but for those who lack self-confidence, they may believe this to be true. The truth is that when you accept yourself, others will too.
One reason many people have difficulty accepting others is that they have expectations about how people are supposed to treat them and how they are supposed to behave without ever verbalizing their expectations. They expect others to share their values and ways of looking at life especially in partnership relationships. Unfortunately many couples fail to share their expectations yet are disappointed and angry when they are not met. The solution is to share your expectations with others to make sure you are both in agreement.
Ever ask yourself is why you have difficulty accepting others? How does the lack of acceptance serve you? If you know failure to accept and approve of others has a negative effect on your relationships, why continue to do this? Perhaps, it is a way to emotionally distance yourself from others. If you have high expectations that rarely get met, perhaps you see yourself as morally superior to others.
If you have high expectations for yourself, it may give you the motivation to keep striving to improve your performance or out do yourself every time which can result in your never feeling satisfied with yourself. Others that don’t want to work as hard as you do or don’t keep trying to outdo themselves, you may judge to be not ambitious enough or not in your league. This attitude may not endear you to others.
Unfortunately those with high expectations that they feel others can never fulfill, and those that criticize others, instead of encouraging or praising others, often land up doing everything themselves as nothing anyone ever does is ever good enough. Then they complain how they have to do everything themselves or that people are lazy when the real cause of the problem is themselves. Those who are criticized tend to feel they can never measure up stop trying.
People on the receiving end of a lack of acceptance or criticism may be unable to feel close to a person who is always critical or rejecting of them. They want their love and acceptance not disapproval or criticism. Think of the effect this has on a child or even an adult who works with a boss with these tendencies. They feel they can never measure up or get the love and approval they seek leaving them to either blame the other person or see themselves as lacking.
Everything we do has consequences, so it is up to you to decide what kind of relationships you want - close ones where there is respect and love or emotionally distant ones where others see you as a person they can never please? Please don’t tell yourself that you survived parents that were critical and are a success today as that is a poor rationalization. I am sure you would have preferred the love and support of your parents rather than their disapproval.
If you are having difficulty to accept yourself and others, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone or readings over Skype, relationship coaching, regressions, and healing at any time by clicking on www.sharoncheney.com or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451. If you would like to share this newsletter with friends, click on this link http://www.sharoncheney.com/knowledge-newsletter-archives/september-2016-acceptance.
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May your life be filled with peace, love and abundance and showered with blessing throughout the year.