March 2010 Knowledge Newsletter

 

Dear Friends,

We are experiencing increasing consciousness daily on this planet. As part of this increasing awareness, we need to consider the long term effects of our actions. Decisions made in the moment or acted upon quickly often have different results that what we hope for or expect. Perhaps we need to take the time to consider the long term consequences of our actions especially when we are making decisions that will impact not only our own lives, but those of others and our environment.

 

Choices and Consequences

 

Throughout our lives we make many choices without often considering the long term effects of our actions. We usually make the best choices we can at the moment and never worry about them until we start to feel the weight our actions. A good example of this is child rearing. No one is a perfect parent but we think we are doing okay until our kids reach their teenage years or older, and we start to see or they remind us, of where we might have done wrong. Perhaps our discipline was too strict, not strict enough, maybe we didn’t listen enough, or we spoiled our children with material things.

 

When our kids do not turn out the way we hoped, we ask ourselves “What could I have done differently?” Our children are a mirror reflection of our actions. You can count on the fact that they will parent the way they were parented unless they become conscious of their actions and make an effort to change.

 

Child rearing decisions are just one area where our choices have long term effects. How we plan for the future, how we choose to interact with others, whether we choose to get involved in decisions affecting our community and country, whether we choose to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of others, whether we concern ourselves with our environmental foot print, whether we take care of our bodies and our health, just to name a few.

 

To avoid the consequences of not thinking ahead, it is best to consider the possible long term effects of our actions before we make our decisions. For example, what to say to a friend in need? Should we help out a friend or family member financially or with some other form of assistance? Should we get involved with someone else’s problems? Should we save money for the future or live for today? Should we be conscious of our health while we are still in good condition or ignore it until illness strikes? While we can’t know the outcome of everything we do in advance, we can consider possible outcomes and consider how we might feel and how we would cope should unforeseen consequences arise.

 

To help you look at future possibilities, consider asking yourself these questions. For example, let’s say a friend or family member asks you for some money. What are your expectations of this person? Will you expect them to repay you in a timely manner? Will you feel they are just using you to get money because they are lazy and not trying very hard? How much compassion do you feel for them and how much is pity? Do you lend them money in the hope that if you are ever in need they will be there for you? Do you pat yourself on the back and say what a good soul you are because you helped another? Do you give generously from your heart with no expectation of receiving anything in return?

 

Our expectations play a large part in how we feel so it is wise to consider what our expectations are before we act. It is wise to realize that when our expectations don’t get met, we are likely to feel angry with the person(s) involved and with ourselves for the choices we made. This can often lead to blame, being unforgiving especially if we refuse to take responsibility for the choices we made.

 

After you have considered your expectations, now it is time to ask yourself what might be the long term consequences of your actions. While it is great to have compassion for others and help those in a time or need or crisis, watch out for repetitive patterns of the behavior as they will certainly have their consequences.

 

Let’s say you give your friend or child money to help them out because they ask you. Ever wonder how that makes them feel? They could feel they are a failure because they are unable to take care of their own needs. They could conclude that you are a soft touch and they could always count on you in a pinch. They may feel it is your duty to help especially if you have more than they do. They may decide why bother to struggle when I can get other people to help me. You may, without your knowing, be encouraging patterns of behavior you may not wish to encourage. It is always wise to encourage others to do for themselves because they will feel great when they accomplish their goals themselves.

 

You may also want to ask yourself how your decisions make you feel? Do you enjoy being a rescuer? Do you feel put upon when people ask you for money with little concern for your situation or feelings? Do you feel this person is becoming dependent on you? Do you feel great helping them out and are willing to do it anytime? Depending on your answers you may want to continue as before or you may want to consider other options.

 

In the case of not saving for your future, imagine what your options might be if you do not have enough to live on or fall short in meeting your obligations? How will that make you feel - like a failure or a victim? Will you look upon a financial loss as a learning opportunity and examine the decisions you made? Every decision we make results in consequences of some sort. Whatever the consequence, whether we perceive it as good or bad, will depend how we feel about our actions, what level of responsibility we are willing to take for creating the situation in the first place, and how the consequences we experience help us in our personal growth and in our future actions. 

 

In the case of helping family members and others, we may want to consider that if we want them to be capable, responsible adults, we need to allow them to make their own decisions instead of telling them what to do. We need to allow ourselves and others to make mistakes because we only learn through our experiences. If we make decisions for others because we think we know more or better, how are they going to experience the consequences of their actions?

 

There are natural and logical consequences to every decision. For example, if you don’t wear gloves on a cold day, your hands will feel cold. This is a natural consequence. If you don’t show up for work and you loose your job, this is a logical consequence. Natural and logical consequences help us navigate through life so it is important that we experience their effects. The sooner we allow ourselves and those close to us to experience the effects of their decisions, the faster they are going to learn. 

 

So why do we prevent others from experiencing these learning opportunities? Perhaps it is because we are afraid for them, we feel they will not be able to cope, we want to be in control, we want them to depend on us so we can feel needed, or we want to shelter them from the consequences of life. There may be many other reasons hidden within each of us.

 

In the long run, we need to ask ourselves “Do we help anyone by protecting them from the consequences of their actions?” Usually the answer is no. As painful as it is to watch those we care about make poor choices, we need to be respectful of their right to make their own decisions. I know how difficult it is to see those we love make poor decisions and do harmful things but respect is an intrinsic part of loving someone.

 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself just to prove to yourself the impact of your decisions. Look back through your life and ask yourself “How did your parent’s decisions impact your life and how you conduct yourself today?” If you have children of your own, ask yourself “Do you parent your children like you were parented and how does that impact them?” “What did you learn from the parenting you received and what do your children say about your parenting skills?” Ask them if you are unsure. If you don’t have children of your own, ask your friends or family members how your choices and actions impact them. Would they like to see you make any changes? It is important to get feedback from those close to you because often we are blind when it comes to really seeing ourselves.

 

This is not to give others an opportunity to criticize you or make you wrong. A good way to approach them is to say I am doing some introspective work and am looking for some feedback from those who know me well. You might ask them what expectations they have about you and you might ask yourself what expectations you have concerning them in order to avoid conflicts in the future. While not everyone may have immediate answers to these questions, it will certainly get them thinking and lead to more meaningful conversations at a future date. These questions will also make you more sensitive to the consequences of your actions.

 

So I ask each and everyone one of you to think before you act. Stop living your life on automatic pilot and telling yourself “I’ve always done it this way, so why change?” Stop subscribing to the old adage “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?” The reason this thinking doesn’t work any longer is because we are birthing a new consciousness that is challenging us to address who we are and how we impact others. We are moving towards unity consciousness on this planet, which involves believing and acting as if we are all one and interconnected. This means we can no longer go around pretending our actions do not impact others or the environment.

 

These are big issues to think about. If you need some insight into your actions or need help dealing with any consequences that have already materialized, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone and Skype readings, empowerment coaching, regressions, and healing at any time either by clicking on www.sharoncheney.com or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451. 

 

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May your life be filled with peace, love, and abundance. Blessings to you all,

Sharon Cheney

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